“I can do it.”
My oldest daughter, a very independent two year old, was adamant about not letting me help her get dressed. And truth be told, she was so adorable that most of the time I would just give her the time and space to do this. She loved to play dress up with anything she could find (usually her go to was a basket of unfolded clothes that could be found at any given moment in my living room). Most days this was fine. I also had a one year old and my pregnant self to get ready, so her self-sufficiency was usually a welcome help.
But then there were times when we were in a hurry, and I needed to step in. Have you ever tried to interfere with a two year old trying to get dressed all by themselves? It usually ends in a lot of tears and half the clothing on backwards, inside out, or just not on. This little girl of mine has gone to daycare with mismatched outfits more times than I can count.
I See You
I recognize this in new intuitive eaters, too—not the fiercely independent getting dressed part, but the fiercely independent “I can do it” part. You’re almost identical. Now, you won’t find me rushing anyone’s progress or journey when it comes to giving up diets, but I do find it troubling when someone has spent a great deal of time and energy on learning how to eat more intuitively but they’re still struggling with the doing part. I want to take a minute to address this independence that I see.
Not Asking for Help on Your Food and Body Healing Journey Is Not a Badge of Honor
I totally understand independence. I have an independent streak a mile wide (and I clearly gave that to my kids), but that fierce self-reliance and desire for autonomy has misguided me more times than I care to admit. Like a lot of women, I used to believe I would look weak or stupid if I asked for help with things that other people made to seem so simple—things like marriage, parenting, balancing work and home life. All the things. I thought doing everything myself was like a badge of honor. “Look at me. Look at how strong I am, at how smart and knowledgeable I am.”
But, in doing all these things so completely independently, I found myself years later without solid relationships to lean on, no grasp of the benefits of leaning on others, and really no smarter for any of it.
Looking back I now know how many times I did things the hardest way possible. Not for choice, but rather for a lack of knowing better at the time. I didn’t know, because I didn’t ask.
A Better Way
The thing is, you weren’t meant to go through life alone. You simply must ask for help on your food and body healing journey. It wasn’t until I renewed my relationship and faith and walked with Jesus that I even opened my mind to this possibility. And it would be even later in life before I would understand the words of Solomon telling us this a couple times, and a couple different ways, in the book of Proverbs:
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”
(Proverbs 11:14)
Jesus guides. His life is an example of that to us, for us, so that we don’t have to do life alone. And He too asked for help (ahem, hello disciples). He could have achieved His mission of salvation all by Himself, we know that. But He chose not to. He chose that because He knows together is a better way.
That being said, I’ve fallen many times trying to do life on my own. I’ve stumbled a lot along the way—after all, making mistakes is a part of life. But, the learning part for me is knowing what I know now about asking for help; I know I stumbled when I didn’t have to.
When you do ask for help, you may get a ‘counsel’ of people who give you unwarranted comments and suggestions. That is, you may hear things you don’t want to hear. You may hear the tough stuff, and perhaps that’s part of what’s keeping you from asking in the first place. I know that was the case for me. I’m not a stranger to how stubborn I am.
A Humbling Experience
Intuitive eating basically rocked my world. I wasn’t expecting it to show up in my life. And I definitely I hadn’t asked for it. It scared me because I felt called to go this direction, yet had no clue where or how to start. So, I had to humble myself. And I had to realize that this was a huge career and life philosophy shift that I knew nothing about. I had to humble myself and admit I needed help. I was basically turning my back on all that I previously stood for. And I knew I wasn’t about to do it alone. Please save yourself some heartache and ask for help on your food and body healing journey.
Where Do You Go for Help on Your Food and Body Healing Journey?
At first, I signed up for all the training. I listened to all the podcasts. I read all the books. And I asked for help…all the time. I commented on blog posts, asking all the questions. And, I hired a mentor to help me so I could learn.
I also prayed. I’d like to tell you God was the first place I went for help, but He wasn’t. If He had been, I am confident my journey would have been more peaceful. It may not have been easier, but the peace in knowing He’s got my back would have helped.
How, or Who Rather, Will You Ask For Help on Your Food and Body Healing Journey?
No matter where you turn first, I know without a shadow of a doubt that asking for help is required. I now have a close group of professionals I can lean on when I need help. I pray at every turn, and I am so grateful to all the counsel I’ve had along the way. And I will say again, you are not meant to go through this life alone. You simply must ask for help on your food and body healing journey.
I don’t want you walking this journey alone. Find an online or in-person, non-diet, weight inclusive community you can join (My favorite online version is this one here). Be an active participant. Ask questions. Share your stories. Get and give support.
Is there anything I can do to support you? What topics would you like me to write about? Share in the comments below and seek that safety net of counsel.
