I want to make sure you know this because I believe it will help you with your food peace journey.
There I was in my usual devotional and prayer routine, talking to God and assuming He was listening. And I found myself blown away by a whispered realization from Holy Spirit himself.
Maybe you can relate. I’ve been growing and deepening my relationship with God for a little while now. I mean truthfully, I’ve been in an on again off again relationship with Him my whole life. But as of the last 6 months or so, we’ve been “going steady” if you will. This is a relatively new and cool thing for me.
You see, I didn’t grow up going to church on any sort of regular basis. Growing up I never had consistent mentors or influencers in my life who promoted church or any sort of relationship with God.
My first church memories are scarce.
My first church memories are of a few Sunday school visits to the church by our house, and once or twice singing in the front of the congregation. I remember always feeling lost and like I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. I know now that’s because we didn’t attend regularly enough for me to be “in the loop” with anything.
In high-school I went to church to get confirmed. Near as I can tell, this was only because it was what my grandparents expected my parents to do. They’ve never said otherwise. Other than that, growing up my family only attended church at Christmas and Easter when we were visiting my grandparents for the holidays. My grandparents were church goers, so when my sister and I would stay with them for a couple weeks over the summer we would attend church then too.
And when I had my first serious boyfriend (who later became my husband and then my ex-husband), I attended church fairly regularly with him and his family. I even went through adult confirmation into their church. I did this partly because it was what I thought was expected of me, but also because my belief at the time was that I had to “make it up” to God because according to my understanding of God’s rules, I had committed some terrible sins when I lived with a man out of wedlock and got pregnant with his baby (I was a rather large bellied seven month pregnant woman on my first wedding day).
You don’t know what you don’t know.
But none of this church-going was ever done with a purpose of growing my relationship with God. It was all a sort of robotic experience of going through the motions to do the thing to say I did it to be “in good standing” with family or the church. I hadn’t ever thought of or been introduced to the concept of having a relationship with God.
I feel I need to pause for a brief personal note here.
Mom and dad, if you’re reading this, it’s important for you to know I’m not writing this to criticize you in any way. I love you both and you’ve been amazing parents. And I’m grateful for every step of my journey just exactly as it’s been.
And to my adult confirmation sponsor, I’m sure I never gave you any hints about any of this. I look back now and can see so many things differently. Hindsight has shown me I was so different then than I am now. Hindsight has shown me I was so unaware of so much, kind of like being blindfolded with sheer fabric so I could only see parts of what was happening right in front of me and with ears so full of wax I could only hear part of my life. I will always be grateful you were there for me through that time.
And all of this was just as it was supposed to be. He had it planned this way because He needed me to learn the lessons He’s taught me (so far) in the way He has taught them to me so I can be an instrument of His will. And as weird as it seems, I know I presently am wearing a sheer blindfold and have wax filled ears that I won’t recognize until later on in my future, when He says it’s the right time. I think He sort of protects us that way.
Okay, back to this “revelation” I had.
For time’s sake, I will skip over the part of my life where I decided I wanted an actual relationship with God and fast forward to the present. These days, I’m slowly working through a couple different bible studies and get daily devotionals sent to my email because they give me the guidance and direction I need to get into my bible and learn the word of God. I also have a couple of friends who are amazing mentors for me on this path. And I spend time in prayer. I need these tools because they are like blueprints helping me figure this relationship with Him out (because I really didn’t have a clue where to start).
Which brings me back to where I started this story. This realization hit me after reading Dr. Darwin L. Gray’s words in a devotional he shared on Proverbs 31TM. He said, “Prayer is the secret place where we find God waiting for us.”
The “waiting for us” part hit me like a mack truck going 90 miles an hour down an open highway.
I do that. I mean I do THAT. Not the waiting part. I stink at waiting. But God doesn’t. What I do is assume. I assume He’s listening to me all the time. I assume He’s there. And you know what they say about assume don’t you?
This is an exception. Here’s why.
All this time, I just assumed God was available to me at any time of day or night. I assumed He never took time off for Himself and wouldn’t be busy with anyone or anything else when I needed Him. On the surface it seems a little selfish.
The cool part though is that He’s there. He IS always there. Anytime. Anywhere. No need to feel selfish about assuming He will be there.
I had never thought about this before, but I never have to knock. I don’t have to raise my hand and wait to be called on. And I never have to wait my turn to talk (although I do have to wait for His response to come in His timing and in His way).
I’ve come a long way to get to this point.
I guess that means I have developed a sort of “come on in anytime neighbor” relationship with Him. I’ve come a long way to get to this point.
Usually revelations lead us to change something in our lives. For me, that change will be in the form of gratitude. I’m grateful to know He’s always got my back. He’s always here.
But I’m not changing anything else.
I’m going to continue to barge in to whatever He has going on. I don’t plan to make an appointment on His calendar to talk with Him. I don’t plan to start knocking and waiting. And I don’t plan to leave Him any messages telling Him that I need to talk and then wait for Him to call me back.
I will keep sending the messages up and out. I will go on talking and expect, know rather, that He’s listening.
Normally, this kind of attitude would be considered rude. Barging in on a conversation would lead to losing friends. Breaking and entering would get me sent to jail. That’s not how it works with God.
“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.” (1 John 5:14)
I had the keys all along.
He has given me my own key to His house. He invites me to let myself in, help myself to whatever is in the fridge, and get cozy on His couch whenever I want. And He would prefer it if I came and stayed there all the time.
So what does this have to do with eating, your health, or your relationship with food? A whole awful lot.
It means that when you’re struggling with something, maybe it’s food or maybe it’s your body image, He is there, waiting for you to barge in on Him and ask Him for help. No lines, no waiting on hold, and no knocking necessary. Just ask. He’s listening.
I’ll save the part about how He answers for another time. For now, just ask.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this message that embedded itself into my heart this morning.
I’m curious, what’s your relationship with God like? Have you, like me, typically taken for granted that He’s going to be there too?